Things got a bit hectic IRL so I had to take a bit of a sabbatical from the RA Todays. Things are settling down and so it seemed like a good time to resume this fun little adventure.
Until today. Today makes me question what I’m doing here, in public, at all.
There is enough tension and unpleasantness in the RA fandom that I have no desire to contribute to it. I have a ‘Just Richard’ Tumblr blog which I keep as neutral as is possible. Last year (about this time) I was attacked for who I follow and my views on Richlee. Back then, I stated that I wasn’t a Richleer and wasn’t interested in defending anyone else’s blog or my choice in follows. Other than Staged-gate of last summer, I have kept my Jollytr Tumblr blog all about the pretty pictures and gifs. It aint called Just Richard Armitage for nuthin’.
The only indication of where I might fall on the Richlee spectrum is that I write het fan fiction. Despite an otherwise completely neutral blog, I have been intimidated and criticized for re-blogging pictures of His Peaches, for who I re-blog from, my supposed homophobia and general lack of worth as a human being.
It just isn’t fun anymore. Often I struggle to motivate myself to do new edits or even keep the queue loaded up because I now look at my dash through wincing eyes and a clenching stomach – unsure when or where the latest toxic bomb will explode. I’m not alone. People who I thought were fandom staples rarely blog now, if they’re still on Tumblr at all. They have been chased away by the toxic extremists (who, for the record, do not represent the Richlee fandom at all).
I have met so many wonderful people in the RA well wisher world – people I hope to know for the rest of my life. Women (and one man) whom I have come to adore. Life is richer, warmer and more colourful because of them. I will never regret the path which brought me to their doors.
I have no love for the current state of affairs – fascist fan police who attack and beat anyone who does not toe their party line. I have seen them eat their own young – so what hope is there for anyone who doubts or disagrees with them?
Today feels like a final straw. A follower of mine has been attacked because of who I re-blog from. There is just so much wrong with this that I can’t english. It’s not enough that I am judged for who I re-blog from, Pieholic has two degrees of separation and is still being intimidated. The accusation contains lies – and any attempt to disprove it will result only in making me look like a defensive idiot of the “methinks the lady doth protest too much” variety. This method has become standard: spout lies and then attack anyone who provides the truth, calling them pathetic, obsessive, and obviously possessing a guilty conscience.
I don’t need this crap. I don’t want this crap. Who does? Why bother? Life is too short for hobbies which become toxic. I have MUCH bigger concerns to deal with (mentally ill children). This was supposed to be pleasure, diversion, escape, inspiration, distraction … and much of it has been. But the bullying by the likes of the Anon in the above note … where is the pleasure?
Other than the fact that I am the single most stubborn person on the planet and don’t want to let the fuckers win, I’d be out of here – delete the Tumblr blog and never look at that site again. I understand the RACentral forum is still a safe place – free of bullying and vitriol of any kind. There is still one neutral place left in the RA Universe … why not just emigrate?
The largest part of me desperately wants to … but if I do … I surrender and let the extremists win. I am loathe to give them what they want. Their methods have already claimed so many Tumblr bloggers. Should I dig in and continue the posting and re-blogging of happy things or should I take my ulcer and go home?
I hate what is happening. I hate that I can’t say this on my Tumblr blog – which is where it belongs. I hate that I am crying right now. I hate that something wonderful has become something horrible. I hate that I am hating.